Different Story... same God

I didn't dream it would be this long until I would write. My goal was to get their birth story written by the due date, but it didn't happen. (And honestly, the only reason I really have the time to write at this moment, is because I am alone with the boys back in the hospital, with little to do besides nurse, hold the boys, change diapers and sleep…. I’ll explain later).

The boys were born on December 19^th and their due date was January 17th, so they were a little over 4 weeks early.  I have so much I could pour out about their pregnancy, birth, and first two months of life, but we’ll see what happens. It’s probably going to be a long, jumbled one, but the overarching thought is, ultimately, that God has proven Himself so faithful.

Honestly, their pregnancy was not that easy for me. At times, I found myself discouraged and questioning. I processed through many odd emotions, while being sick and trying to prepare for their arrival. Not much was going exactly as I had pictured, and although I truly had much peace about that, there were also moments where I had trouble knowing how to handle it all. This is where the idea of the title “Different story, same God” comes in.  What I mean by that, is, it was a very, very different story than Kaylee's and even a different story from what I imagined my second pregnancy to be like. Yet even though, externally, it looked so different, God was still very much the same in providing for our every need. He orchestrated so many things, little and big, to make it be a wonderfully rich story in its own unique way.


Preparing for their birth --

As the day drew near, in many ways, I knew what was coming... major surgery, sleep deprivation, nursing challenges, not always knowing what to do for your crying baby, the many learning curves of having two instead of one…. and my mommy heart wanted to be excited, but that wasn't necessarily the overarching emotion…. A very different experience from the almost oblivion filled ecstasy I had before having Kaylee. This is not to be interpreted that we were not wanting the boys… we love our kiddos and feel children are a blessing. We were eager to have more children and prayed fervently that we would be able to get pregnant again during our 7 months of trying.  It was just different. Experience does that. Kaylee’s nursery was ready for her months before she came and her name was decided upon and everyone called her by such shortly after the point we found out she was a girl. Whereas, with the boys, their room still isn't entirely set up and we didn't decide on their names until after they were born.  Different story… same God.

Beyond these emotions, in so many ways, i felt very out of control as well. A week before I had them is when I found out Lucas wasn't doing well in the womb. Then, at my next monitoring, a nurse just walks in and hands me a piece of paper with my c-section date and time + the prep. I tried to gather more information, but, until the day before their delivery, I didn't even know who was performing the surgery.  I didn't know exactly why it was decided I would have a c-section at 35 weeks instead of 37 or what to expect upon their arrival, as far as health issues go. I didn't know what my recovery time would be or what the day of surgery would be like. But God faithfully provided. He tuned our ears to hear what we needed to hear during times when there was gobs of questions and information flying around. 

One key piece of information came our way when we finally did get to meet with the doctor the day before my c-section. At the appointment, we were asking all about Lucas and preparing for the worst, since he was the one in trouble inside and she said, “Honestly, the other baby is probably going to have a harder time upon delivery.” She explained that Elijah had been getting an overload of the blood from the shared placenta and didn't need to try very hard to survive, whereas the other baby had been fighting to stay alive inside and would most likely come out with the same mentality. This really prepared me mentally for when Elijah came out with the doctors saying "Come on, breath buddy, do something, come on, you gotta try”… Followed by,  “Um, Mom, I’m not going to be able to show you this little guy, we need to get him help right away."

All these emotions and situations were difficult to process, but throughout the process, the Lord provided meaningful moments and ultimately, used these feelings to draw me closer to Him.  Different story… same God.

The morning of  --

Early on in pregnancy, when I began learning about having twins, I knew a c-section was a big possibility. For many reasons, though,  I really didn’t want one.  Although it was very painful and a dauntingly difficult task, there was something very fulfilling about giving birth naturally to Kaylee, and I wanted to experience that again, but this story needed to look differently.  I knew it was what was best and I had come to grips with that. So, on December 19th, I woke early to do my pre-surgery scrub and head to the hospital. I have to say, not waking up in labor, yet knowing I was just about to have two babies in a matter of hours was a very, very weird experience.  I was quite nervous, but as He has before, God used truth found in familiar songs to calm my anxious heart.  Different story… same God. He is faithful to provide.

Delivery and recovery --

At our brief appointment the day before, the doctor also mentioned that the boys, being preemies, would probably need to go to the NICU and that Brandon would need to go with them, rather than be with me. I count on Brandon a lot for emotional support and he is always the one I want around when I am going through something tough. He was an amazing helpmate throughout the entire labor, delivery, and post delivery process with Kaylee, so the doctor’s news was difficult to swallow. Different story… same God.

On a lighter note, I’m just glad Brandon got to be there for their birth! While they gave me my spinal block and prepped me for surgery, Brandon was required to stay in the waiting area. After the prep, I couldn't see what was going on, but it felt like I was getting cut open when I asked, “Can my husband come in yet?” And they said… “Oh ya, we’ll get him”. Sure enough, when he came in, I was split wide open (he still can’t bear to look at my incision without thinking back to that). Ha ha. Besides that, the surgery itself went really well and two little boys were delivered into the world. The delivery, itself was a very different experience from what I was expecting, though.  They pulled them out, but they didn't cry. They laid them on my belly but I couldn't see them. I just laid there, knowing something amazing was happening. Thankfully, Brandon got to be apart of it and take pictures as the NICU doctors started their care.    

After they finished sewing me up, I went to a recovery room where I laid alone for 4 hours before being assigned a room on the mother/baby floor. There, I waited another 3 hours before I was allowed to be taken by wheelchair to truly meet my sons for the first time. It was a wonderful moment. And to make it even better, just minutes before I was wheeled down, Elijah was pulled off his CPAP so my first time seeing him, his beautiful face wasn't covered up by a big, ugly mask.   I have to say, my time in recovery was an interesting experience. I knew I had babies but, besides being in some pain and being a bit smaller in the mid section, I didn't feel much different. I didn't experience that bonding moment right after birth, where they snuggle in and learn all about eating. I didn't get to hear that new born cry or get pictures with them fresh out of the womb. A very different story, but it was still good, because He was the same God. It gave me time to pray and process and be still and get excited, while sharing our news with others. God taught me a lot through it all. It felt all wrong, but really, the boys were where they needed to be and although those 7 hours were quite long and depressing, in the grand scheme, it was ok, and now, sarcastically speaking... I would give a lot for 7 hours of peaceful rest :) (To be fair, Brandon was able to come down for two short visits and show me pictures/give me updates.)

As far as the rest of my recovery, it was much, much better than I expected. I really felt great. The only hiccup I had was a debilitating headache that started the morning after, on Saturday. The pain was so bad that I came back from the boys room at 10 am on Sunday and wasn’t able to make it back down there for the rest of the day. After over 24 hours of no relief, I finally broke down and the nurse called a doctor. However, before she called, she told me to lay flat on my back, and I had almost immediate relief, which I praised God for. They decided it was a spinal leak and said I could wait it out and it would most likely heal or I could have a procedure to put a patch on it.  The doctor who would do the procedure seemed a little hesitant and also said it usually eased up around 3 to 4 days, so if I could tolerate it for one or two more days, I would probably be better off. So, that is what I did. Most of the time, whether in the NICU with the boys or in my room, I laid flat on my back, and on day 4, I woke up and my headache was pretty much gone! So amazing! Not necessarily “fun” but another scenario to remember His faithful provision. It also turned out that I got to stay in the hospital an extra day because of it, which was great since the boys were there anyway.

Babies in the NICU –

So... Yes, taking a little step back… Lucas Wise and Elijah Paul were born the morning of the 19^th at around 11:20 am. They were 5 lb 0 oz and 5 lbs 9 oz at birth, and spent their first 6 days in the NICU at Children’s Hospital--Memorial Central due to oxygen, blood sugar, and body temperature issues, and their initially low milk consumption. They had great care from Sheila and Monica during the day and, their night nurses, Christina and Barbara, were especially good about educating us, involving us, and helping them progress. Each of their nurses seemed to come to us just at the right time, including their last nurse, Deb, who gave us the confidence that we could do it on our own. And overall, the boys did exceptional. The doctors and nurses kept talking as if they would be there for quite a while (the date they gave was  Jan 15), but the boys just kept surprising us.  In most cases, they would take two steps forward and one step back. Yet, that was enough, and before we could process it all, the doctors were saying, let’s try to get them home by Christmas! They seemed so tiny and fragile and I personally loved that machines would go off whenever they weren’t doing well. Once again, I found myself anxious, unprepared, and not in control. It was scary thinking that we would on our own without beeping machines or nurses at our beckoned call. But once again, God proved Himself faithful, and we did come home (with the boys still on oxygen).

Since it was a last minute dismissal, it ended up being a crazy 24 hours. The night before they were dismissed, we were told they needed different car seats which led to Brandon and my parents running around the city to track them down. We also had to watch 4 hours of videos about preemies/newborns, while at the same time, Brandon had to work the afternoon before and morning of their dismissal.  After work, he raced to Fort Carson to get a hospital-grade pump, and the morning of, (Christmas Eve mind you), I had to find a doctor who was willing to see them the day after Christmas. Once again, God provided and after about 20 phone calls, I just happened to get through to an office and they just happened to have an opening and that opening just happened to be with one of their doctors from the NICU!!!) He is in the details and so faithful to provide.  

*Side note… Where was Kaylee during all this?!?  Well, she actually got to come visit us everyday in the hospital, thanks to my parents willingness to bring her! Otherwise she was at our house with them. They truly have been such amazing help from through it all! They are troopers and have had quite the job! And during Kaylee’s first visit, because it was around the holidays, they allowed her to go into the NICU for one, short visit. She loved seeing those brothers, and couldn’t decide whose room she wanted to be in. She is an amazing big sister and now that we are home, she has done so well with the boys. She loves caring for them and helping in any way she can. Sometimes she is even a little too helpful. ;)

Coming home --

So, we made it home! That first night home we only got 2 hours of sleep, but the days ahead were filled with many good moments. As with Kaylee’s birth, it really was a very sweet time as a family, learning to do life together. Brandon and Kaylee had fun sledding adventures, we laughed at diaper changing catastrophes, we crammed all the kids in Rocky for a little outing, and just took it all in at a slowed pace. The fact is, we got to do a lot of life together, because, between the holidays, working s couple of days, taking a couple of days of leave, and then going on paternity leave, Brandon was home with us for almost a month! He did have to work two half days while the boys were in the NICU, but we were so thankful for the timing that allowed for so much time together. (Twins take a lot more hands). After he headed back to work, for those first two weeks, my mom pitched during the weekdays. And can I say, what a gift to have such a willing, serving, loving mom less than two hours away during such a needy time for us! Both of my parents have made sacrifices and served in so many ways. God has provided help in lots of ways, actually. To our amazement, our loving church family and Brandon's co-workers have faithfully brought us meals several times a week for almost six weeks. I can't believe it. Different story… same God.

Adjusting to life with preemie twins --

Even though they were just barely 5 weeks early, they had several preemie behaviors and many things we needed to be extra careful about. It is crazy what each extra day in the womb does for those fragile little lives. With Kaylee, we got out and about right away and we weren't really the typical protective first-time parents, worried about germs and all. However, with them, the NICU encouraged us to be very cautious and we were. They educated us on how to best care for them, to let them sleep almost 24 hours a day, not let them eat longer than 30 minutes or else they will burn more calories than they consume since it is such a feat for them, to help them with their tremors and signs of stress, and to keep them away from any potential illness.

This actually ties back to why we are in the hospital. Turns out, when we went to their one month check-up, their neonatologist said it has been an extra bad flu and RSV season, and with the boys being preemies on oxygen, he advised that we keep them in until April. Sounds hard to believe but, besides doctors’ appointments, we pretty much stuck to these orders. However, they have a two year old sister, mind you, who is a like sess pool for germs, and before we knew it, the boys had RSV, leading to us being back in the hospital…. a whole other story for another time of God’s faithful provision. (As I finish this post, we are back home, two weeks post RSV scare, and doing great! And, thankfully, besides being your typical gassy little boys, they really have had no other health problems. )

But anyway, back from our bunny trail... another aspect of their prematurity that I learned about was that, because they were a little early and small, they lacked the endurance and mouth size to nurse. I wasn't informed of this, however, until my first visit to the NICU, where I showed up to both boys being fed with a bottle by someone else and a paci sitting in their little “incubator” beds (definitely not in my “plan”). With this news, I did what I could, and started my long-term relationship with the pump, stocking up milk for the boys every 3 hours, day and night.

To be honest, before they were born, God had given me peace about it if I truly couldn't breastfeed but I was determined, so this was a hard set back. Everyone encouraged me, though, that they often just pick it up once they are full-term, and sure enough, at 40 weeks, they started to show interest and ability. It has been a long road on that front, but we are successfully nursing 24 hours a day now! Even in all that, God knew just what I needed. Brandon and I both bonded with the boys and each other through feeding the boys, during the day and in the wee hours of night. We had good conversation and really, emotionally and physically, it was beneficial for me to share this draining responsibility with others during those first few weeks. Different story… same God.

All three kids are a blessing and we are enjoying this stage in each of their lives. It's such a fun time with Kaylee's communication blossoming and her heart and mind growing in love and understanding. She is a sweet little friend and helper for me. We've tried to be very intentional during this time of transition and for the most part, she is responding with a good attitude and obedient spirit. She has lots of questions, though, and wants to try almost everything we say and do. The boys are changing quickly too. They have almost doubled their birth weight! It's fascinating having twins. Just when one seems to be making himself known as the spitter-upper or early riser, they seem switch roles. Yet, in their two short months of life, we see very unique personalities as well. Overall, they are sweet little cuddly babies and we are trying to embrace each moment but as would be expected, we do look forward to when the sleep through the night and can ditch their oxygen that follows us everywhere.   

Ultimately, we praise God for their life and we thank Him for providing in so many ways; many which haven't even been recorded or remembered. We are needy and have been stretched during this adventure with three kids under three. We have been trying to learn from mistakes and make good decisions, but it’s a time where a lot of changes happen in a little bit of time so we are hanging on for the ride, trying to thrive, not just survive.


And now here is some pictures of our little ones...
Unfortunately, I'm not going to take the time to label them or put them in chronological order this time around but hopefully they will still be enjoyed.