There are probably a million things I could be doing right
now, but the motivation and energy are far from being found. I do, however,
have a desire to write down some of the happenings in our life right now.
It’s been an eventful time, so I know I won’t capture much
of it, but some is better than none. So, as far as where I kind of left off
blogging, we were near the end of the summer and had just found out we were
having identical twin boys. With twins who share a placenta, there are some
crucial periods where things can get a little tricky. The first period is
typically between 16-24 weeks and the second period is from during the later
part of the pregnancy. Of course, complications can happen at any point, but
this is when they are a little more expected.
Since we made it past the first period with flying colors, I
started to tell people that I felt silly, and even grumbled at times, about
going to so many appointments because they were very non-eventful, but in
reality, I knew “uneventful” was a good thing and something to praise the
Father for. I was also thankful for some ease with my intestinal condition and
therefore, some much needed energy, as well as size and weight gain.
As the end started coming into sight, things seemed to be
going pretty well, but I still felt overwhelmed at the idea of twins and didn’t
feel like our home was quite ready. Practically speaking, our basement project
was hitting some road blocks, which was delaying us from having the twins room
cleared out and set up. Spiritually speaking, I knew, whatever was ahead, that
God’s faithfulness was not going to change, but I felt very weak and uncapable
of the task ahead. Physically, I would go to bed, thinking, oh, I am way to
exhausted.. Please, Lord, don’t let them come tonight. And emotionally, I was
just in a funky place with all the unknowns and the reality of it all kind of
hitting me but at the same time, not at all. I know this sounds confusing, but
that’s about as clear as it felt in my head.
Anyway, this gives a glimpse of how I went into my 34 week
ultrasound at Maternal Fetal Medicine. At this appointment, the sonographer
began the usual scan and I, thankfully, quickly saw both of the sweet little
beating hearts. But as the measuring went on, things got pretty quiet and she
stopped periodically to type numbers/information into the computer. Finally,
she set down her probe and said that she was going to go speak with the doctor.
In the quietness, I kind of had that feeling that something was wrong, but God
truly allowed His peace to wash over me and it was really a rich time of just
praying and trusting Him that they would see exactly what they needed and know
exactly what the twins needed. The doctor returned with the sonographer and
said that one of the babies was not growing properly, which is a risk when they
share a placenta. She said this can put a strain on the heart and stress on the
baby, since he isn’t getting what he needs from the placenta. Because of this,
she said I would need to deliver early, prior to 36 weeks. (Normally, twins who
share a placenta are delivered around 38 weeks, because that is often the point
when one placenta has a difficult time supporting two babies.)
After this brief conversation, she immediately sent me to
further testing, where, among other things, they saw that I was having
consistent contractions every 2 minutes. Because of this, they kind of dropped
the pursuit of the other and took me to labor and delivery to monitor the
contractions. Yes… this sounds like a build up, but, even though the
contractions didn’t ease up for several hours, they weren’t leading to active
labor so I was sent home.
Since then, we have had many questions and moments of
sadness and fear, but ultimately, we are trusting in the Lord for strength and
wisdom during this time. It has been difficult to get any questions answered
about all that is going on. Sometimes I don’t know whether to press harder or
to just rest, knowing that the Lord is in control.
So far, the twins seem to still be doing fine. This past
week, we have gone to several doctor’s appointments, and ultimately, the
doctors decided I need a c-section, which is planned for Friday, the 19th(in
2 days). The twins will be toward the end of their 35th week at this
point. When the nurse walked in to inform me that I would be having a c-section
and when it was scheduled, it definitely caught me off guard. If I had a say in
it, I definitely was not hoping for a c-section and I don’t think I would have
initially chosen that date, (it’s my birthday), but I now think it’s kind of
fun to share the day with these special little gifts.
Many things have not gone as we imagined or planned or hoped
for, but we really are trying to rest in God’s trustworthiness. I have moments
where that is harder than I would like to admit but ultimately, I see bits and
pieces of how He has been preparing me/us for this. I love these little boys
and although I feel more overwhelmed than excited at times, I know the Lord
will use them in a mighty way in my life and my prayer is that, He will be
glorified through their lives.
Beyond the boys, Brandon has had a very full plate at work
since August. Even though this means a good deal of stress and longer days, we
are still very thankful for their continued support and sensitivity to the
needs of our family. Once the work week is over, Brandon has been getting right
to work on the basement. From about 8 am-8 pm, every Saturday, he can be found
running electrical, building walls, hanging drywall, etc. He also took a week
off work to make some headway, and with the help of my dad, the basement really
is starting to look good. Next week, we will have carpet installed and then we
will be able to move stuff into 2 of the rooms. A common phrase of mine these
days is “One day at a time.”
Kaylee is still my little “Joy Bug”. I love having
conversations with her and having such a good little helped and companion
during the day. I’m not sure that she is prepared for all that is ahead but I
pray she will transition well. One of Kaylee’s favorite things to do these days
is sing and typically, several times a day, she wants to sing “Jesus loves me,
this I know”. Initially, my reaction is, can’t we move on to another song but
in reality, it has been a big blessing to me. I have needed to be reminded of
His love for me, and also to rest in the fact that “Little ones to Him belong”,
and even when “They are weak, He is strong.” Sometimes I’m that little one and
sometimes these little boys inside me are those little ones.
As a family, we have had fun cheering on the Broncos this
fall/winter, spending special time with extended family, and making new friends
(many of which are a part of our new church family, who have all loved us so
well during this time). Ultimately we
are thankful for much and trusting with much. We have little idea of what the
days ahead will look like, and I have even less of an idea of when I will get a
chance to post more, but hopefully posting pictures of these two little boys
(who still don’t have conclusive names), won’t be too far down the road.
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