The past two months...

Wow… I come weary. I come ready. I come knowing there is a lot to write, but I’m not sure how far I’ll get. This has been a very full two months. I had to reread a little bit from previous blogs just to know where to start, and even still, I stand a mighty good chance of missing something or repeating myself.

Kaylee is 14 months now. She has 6 teeth, continues to walk while holding onto someone (not too concerned at this point that she hasn’t taken her first steps yet), babbles, and keeps us busy. Her favorite things right now seem to be mama and food. There may be a connection there. I am still nursing her morning and night and I am the primary solid food preparer/server in her life. Now that she’s getting a little older and we’ve been settled a while, she does fine with others (so thankful) but once she sees me or gets tired/upset, she gets a little fixated. Anyway, with solids, she has proven to be a very good eater and will try anything.  She also seems to like climbing/pulling up on things. She loves to get things out of whatever they are in and making organized piles, transferring one thing at a time back and forth, back and forth. Besides that, she seems to enjoy the few moments she gets watching/interacting with other kids.

As a mom, I have noticed a couple consistent speech patterns too.  Not many others would make much sense out of it, but I would say on several occasions, she has positively tried to communicate mama, papa, hoo hoo, bubye, tickle, please, more, and a couple other “words”. They aren’t necessarily full words, nor are the easily identifiable… they are just attempts. She doesn’t do it on command and isn’t consistent with context or usage, but it is fun seeing her trying to use words. She is also very good at signing water (pat head), more (touch fingers together), please (pats chest), and help/up (arms up and grabs chest), and  “all done” (shaking both hands), but all done is a little more rare with our little food monster.  

In other news…. THE MOSQUITOS HAVE FINALLY LET UP! They were quite the bear this summer, but we learned to cope… plus they made for a few funny jokes. (The ones below are more for memory-sake than comedic value). But, as I was driving down the road, amazed at how many of these little creatures existed, I started playing off the “You might be a redneck” line in my head, with the “You might be in Alaska for the summer if…”       

-there are just as many mosquitos dead inside your car as there are bugs on the outside.

-your life is at greater risk from killing mosquitos while driving than texting while driving

-your perfume fragrance for the summer is known as DEET

-your daughter wakes up in the morning and you are unsure of whether she has the chicken pox or if they are just mosquito bites from the day before

- it’s common courtesy to tell your kids to rush through the door when going to the neighbors so they don’t let mosquitos in

-you’re advised to buy one vegetable plant for the moose for every plant you buy for yourself

- you see kids playing the McDonalds playhouse at 10 p.m and it’s not necessary to even have any lights on

-an eye cover becomes a key part of your nightly bedtime routine

- you and your husband wake up at 5 in the morning… (after staying up until 2 because it’s so bright that your body doesn’t get drowsy)… neither of you can sleep because of the mosquitos buzzing around your ears, so you flip on the lights to go on a mosquito hunt and kill 43 in your bedroom alone

- you quickly become stealth at coming in and out of the house so there is NO POSSIBLE WAY 43 mosquitos could get into your house in the first place

-you find out they don’t do fireworks for 4^th of July in Alaska

-you wonder why…

-then, you feel silly when you realize there is no point if it’s too light outside to even see a firework go off

- you walk to the post office Mission Impossible style your first few times, thinking there might be a moose or bear behind each tree

- a slap across the face (to kill a mosquito) is a sign of love

Besides killing mosquitoes, our family was also busy doing several other things. In late June, we went camping, went on a hike, took a trip to Anchorage, and went on another hike with a close moose encounter (close enough for this mama who had her little one in her arms and is not known for her running abilities). Then, Kaylee and I headed off to Colorado while Brandon worked and went on a fishing trip down to the Kenai peninsula. (Blogged below in regards to our trip to Colorado).  It was good to see family and be there for all that took place, but, all in all, we were all glad to be reunited again towards the middle of the month.

We also got to see some more family when Brandon’s parents headed our way in late July. They were here for a little under two weeks, which gave them the opportunity to experience some of Alaska and enjoy Kaylee. They experienced Alaska in full force. When they arrived at our place the mosquitoes immediately swarmed us hot and heavy (at 2 am with the sun still up). Once Brandon finished up with his work week, we had a nice trip to Fairbanks, going on the Riverboat Discovery and soaking in the Chena Hot Springs. Brandon and Chris then took a nice float down the river in a canoe while Tammy and I shopped. Later in the week, we all went down to Denali National Park and enjoyed the afternoon there. Chris and Brandon stayed behind to camp and ride the bus in, where they saw several grizzlies, caribou, and a couple moose.  In our remote location, Chris’ hair styling abilities were much appreciate as well, and we took full advantage. (Very thankful for his willingness). Besides that, we played with Kaylee, toured the area, hung out at home, cooked, ate, and also caught up on some Spades action.

I have really, really, really enjoyed my plants and garden. If I need a little bit of time to think and get away, I just go pull weeds or pamper my potted plants. It definitely takes some commitment and with all that has picked up around here, I see myself fading in that arena a little. But it is still doing pretty well. It is exciting to get some fresh produce from my labors. Tonight I picked about 10+ sugar snap peas  but unfortunately didn’t make it home with any (my taste buds were happy though). All in all, it’s just been fun to learn and watch things grow. Definitely thankful for the advice from the internet, my mom, and grandma along the way though. It was intimidating as I took on gardening and blanching and picking my rhubarb to make jam all by myself. But, as I’ve gardened, I’ve been reminded and convicted often this week of the verse that says “A man reaps what he sows”. There are things I’ve been sowing that I dread to reap and there are some things that I know I ought to sow that I will not reap unless change takes place, and there are things that I reap that get me excited about sowing.

One of the specific things I would like to see sown more heavily is my involvement in discipling and ministering to others. I’m not exactly sure what it will look like, but the Lord has already started provided some big opportunities to pour into others, and I am thankful. It’s exhausting at times and a place that I have to check myself to see if my motives are right, or else it is REALLY exhausting. But I am trying to keep in check with trying to be doing what I ought to be doing, because my tendency is not always balanced; I either overdo in an effort to please man or sit on the sidelines.

In reaching out to others, I have begun to share more about my struggle with depression. When I first started dealing with serious depression, I sometimes minimized/denied it (still sometimes do) and didn't hardly share it with anyone. Thankfully, through a lot of counseling and Godly wisdom and support from Brandon plus the Lord’s provision, I battle with it less and less. However, I have found now that I have started sharing more about it (like it is in my past), it has been once again tried to sneak back in. Beginning in July, it started hitting me hard. There is a lot of spiritual “slime” happening around me which I know affects me, but I don’t know how to shake it all. Depression is real. I am much better at seeing reality within it now and identifying it for what it is but it doesn’t change the fact that it can have a very real hold on a life. Thankfully, I have seen improvement and I feel like I can see “the light at the end of the tunnel”. I don’t know why I have to deal with it, but I pray I grow and learn through it.

I’ve also been really battling with pride too. There have been a number of situations that I have acted in an ungodly manner and I can see deep roots in pride that have caused me to do so. I’ve noticed time and time again, that I don’t like to be corrected or I say something out of pride or just hold prideful thoughts in my heart. It breaks my heart to see this but I am thankful for a God who hears my cry and forgives me from all unrighteousness.

Overall I have just kind of felt depleted. I’ve realized it always seems like when you think you have a handle on one thing, another goes overboard. There has been a lot of stuff to deal with, besides being in this foreign place. Life decisions. Difficult ministry situations. Health stuff with Kaylee and me. Sometimes it seems like it is only picking up pace. But, it’s all a part of life, and I am responsible for how I respond with what comes my way. Nothing is an excuse to sin. I know failure lies ahead but we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us and I know my need to refocus and get back to the vine.